emmanuelle in soho (1981)

"Remember I'm a straight guy in a bent business."
Emmanuelle (Angie Quick) is house sharing in London with Kate (Julie Lee) and her bisexual photographer husband Paul Benson (Kevin Fraser). In need of money they hook up with a seedy agent who they find is ripping them off...time for revenge. Meanwhile Kate is auditioning for a Soho revue show.
Watch as a time capsule of Soho with the bare minimum of a plot allowing nudity and lame dad jokes a plenty.

all the right noises (1971)

"You are a good man."
Len (Tom Bell) is a loving husband and father, apart from having an affair with teenager Val (Olivia Hussey) that is. British realism that lacks much, unless you just want to revel in the scenery and look of 70's London.

hannie calder (1971)

"What the hell's this all about?"
Following her rape and the murder of her husband Hannie Calder (Raquel Welch) vows revenge on the gang. In order to do so she hires bounty hunter Thomas Price (Robert Culp) to instruct her in the fine art of killing. Revenge movie, that has just enough twists to make it entertaining, with a fine characterisation from Culp.

doomwatch (1972)

aka Island Of The Ghouls.
"Couldn't tear myself away, they make me feel so welcome here."
Dr Shaw (Ian Bannen) is sent to a remote Cornish island to investigate the effects of a tanker spill on the local wildlife. He soon notices that some of the locals are becoming violent and have noticeable deformities. With the help of the local schoolteacher (Judy Geeson) he tries to get to the bottom of what is causing these abnormalities.
Eco-disaster film based loosely on the hit BBC TV series, that has all the components, and entertains, without lifting itself above the average.

mary millington's striptease extravagansa (1981)

"They've sunk a lot of money into this place, we're all going digging for it later."
David Sullivan again exploits his connection to Mary Millington by tacking her name onto this film of a striptease competition, which is compared by comedian Bernie Winters.
Inept in every way, this demeans the word sexploitation.

playbirds (1978)

aka David Sullivan's The Playbirds. The Playbird Murders.
"Pornography is the heroin of the soul and people must be protected from it."
David Sullivan manages to rope in a number of familiar faces, (including Dudley Sutton), into this crime drama; a starring vehicle for Mary Millington. She gets to show off her bad acting, and a lot more, as she plays a police officer who goes undercover in the world of porn, to find a killer.
As usual Sullivan manages to produce an unsexy, and stilted drama, that could only make money in the sexually repressed British cinema of the 70's.

all the right noises (1971)

"Can't we go on for a little while?"
Len (Tom Bell) is a lighting engineer in the theatre has a fling with a precocious young girl in the chorus, Val (Olivia Hussey). Complicating events is Joy (Judy Carne), Len's wife and mother of his two children, and Len's confusion when he finds out Val is not yet 16.
A seventies suburban take on the kitchen sink drama, which foregoes histronics and fireworks, but still holds your attention with the strong central performances of Bell and Hussey.

zeta one (1973)

aka The Love Factor. Alien Women.
"Well you must admit it's a bit far-fetched."
Aliens from the planet Angvia, who just happen to like dressing sexy and sometime not dressing at all, come to earth on a mission to kidnap women in an attempt to refresh their population.
Think Barbarella, via the Carry on films and you will be somewhere near this bizzare little number. Packed full of names such as James Robertson Justice, Valerie Leon, Charles Hawtrey and Yutte Stensgaard. It also comes complete with the fine psychedelic big-band sounds of Johnny Hawksworth. But all this cannot save it. For what should be fun and sexy is filmed in a purely functional way, sucking all the life out of the movie; still it looks good!

come play with me (1977)

"We must show an interest..."
The minimal plot sees two forgers hole up at a quiet health farm, hiding from their gangland bosses. Then some strippers arrive and the place livens up.
Makes the Carry On films look like Woody Allen! How sex starved the British public was, is evidenced in the fact that this played for four years in London's west end. A sex comedy, with pityfully little of either.

virgin witch (1972)

aka Lesbian twins.
"I won't let you down."
Christina (Ann Michelle) sees an advert recruiting aspiring models and decides to chance her arm. The woman behind the ad Sybil (Patricia Haines) sends her on a shoot to an old castle, and Christina's sister Betty (Vicki Michelle) decides to chaperone. All seems idyllic enough, but unfortunately for them its a ruse to obtain virgins for a witch's coven.
Vaguely entertaining low budget horror, this film gives plenty of nudity, but none of the chills it promises. Also how did they expect the audience to believe that this uninhibited pair would still be virgins; that pushes suspension of disbelief beyond breaking point!

au pair girls (1972)

aka The Young Playmates.
"I work with them all day, and in the evening I play..."
Four au pair's come to London to work, and end up in a variety of situations, usually involving nudity! Anita (Astrid Frank) and Christa (Nancie Wait) work in the suburbia, Randi (Gabrielle Drake) works for a rich businessman, and Nan (Me Me Lai) at a stately home.
Like many a British sexploitation this is chock full of famous actors slumming it in a lame would be comedy. No better or worse than most BRitish sex comedies, but that isn't saying much.

curse of the crimson alter (1968)

AKA The Crimson Altar. The Crimson Cult.
"It's like a house from one of those old horror films."
Robert Manning (Mark Eden) visits a remote country house, hoping to track down his brother who has dissapeared, and is invited to stay by the head of the Morley estate (Christopher Lee). Whilst there Manning starts to feel uneasy. Well you would when the Butler (Michael Gough) tells you to leave whilst you can! He then broods on the legend of Lavinia Morley (Barbara Steele), the Black Witch of Greymarsh, when Professor Marsh (Boris Karloff), an expert in all things witchcraft, reprises the story for him.
Visually startling, this intreging story draws you in but leads to a disappointing end. But sometimes the journey is the thing, not the destination.

the magnificent seven deadly sins (1971)

"Why can't I get any help..."
Comedy that guides you through seven short stories based on the Seven Deadly Sins.
Features the cream of British comedy talent at the time, from Bruce Forsyth to Leslie Phillips.
As with most anthology films there are good, bad and indifferent stories, but no matter who the talent is and who wrote the script, overall this is still a lame 70's comedy. Why couldn't we do film comedy, when we created so much good TV comedy at the time?

the blood beast terror (1968)

AKA Blood Beast from Hell. The Deathshead Vampire. The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood.
"What are we going to tell 'em? They'll never believe this at the yard."
Detective Quennell (Peter Cushing) is investigating the mysterious death of a young student and approaches Dr. Carl Mallinger (Robert Flemyng), the students tutor to help. Unfortunately Mallinger knows more about the death than he's letting on, and how is his daughter Clare (Wanda Ventham) involved?
Another Hammeresque Victorian horror, which despite its fine cast, doesn't live up to the billing. Mildly diverting but nothing more than that.

the sorcerers (1967)

"Where were you last night?"
Professor Mounserrat (Boris Karloff) and his wife Estelle (Catherine Lacey) are an elderly couple who have developed a technique to control other people's minds through a form of hypnotism. This allows them to feel the sensations the subject feels, allowing them to live vicariously through the subject. Their latest victim is a hip young arrogant thing about town Mike Roscoe (Ian Ogilvy). The couple force him to go further and further in pursuit of pleasure. But when Estelle takes control and forces Mike into murder, the Professor realises he has to stop his wife, but how?
A low budget horror, effectively directed by the up and coming Michael Reeves, who unfortunately died before fulfilling his potential. The budget forced the makers to concentrate on the melodrama of the piece, rather than flashy set pieces, which is all to the good.

the nude vampire (1970)

aka La Vampire Nue
Late at night an unknown woman (Caroline Cartier), wearing only a negligee, is chased through the streets by a gang in animal masks. She bumps into a young man (Olivier Martin), who tries to help but is powerless to stop her capture. He follows her captors to a chateau. There he discovers a secret society run by his father (Maurice Lemaitre), where suicide and vampirism are used as entertainment for the bored upper class patrons. The young man shocked is determined to rescue the girl.
A riot of colour and stunning, often beautifully conceived scenes, enliven this obviously cheaply made and languidly told film. Don't expect to make much sense of this, but just wallow in the absurdity of it all. An interesting but standard vampire film twists half way through, throwing in mutant aliens, but still manages to make it all a little bit boring!

the haunted house of horror (1969)

aka Horror House. The Dark.
"No-one's going to go running off or running to the police. We have got to figure this out for ourselves!"
Some hip young Londoners, (and Frankie Avalon), are typically bored and looking for some kicks. So they head to the local haunted house on a ghosthunt. Once there one of the gang is brutally hacked to death. Chris (Frankie Avalon) comes to the conclusion that it must be one of them. So with some twisted logic, they decide to hide the body and try and puzzle it out. Then the police get involved and start asking questions. The gang then decide that the only way to solve it is to re-enact the night, and thus return to the house one last time!
A rather uneven film, that seems to spend an eternity setting up the characters and premise, and what a dodgy premise! If I thought one of my friends was an insane murderer, I think I'd be down that police station in two seconds flat, but then I'm not a typical 60's hipster. One to watch if you want some grizzly murders and some hip Carnaby St scenes.

witchfinder general (1968)

aka Edgar Allan Poe's Conqueror Worm. Matthew Hopkins: Conqueror Worm. Matthew Hopkins: Witchfinder General. The Conqueror Worm.
England 1645, during the civil war. A time for the witchfinders to exploit the superstitious villages of East Anglia. Such a man is Matthew Hopkins (Vincent Price), who tours the area dispensing justice against witches, for a price. But when Hopkins picks on a priest and his niece, he incurs the wrath of Richard Marshall (Ian Ogilvy), the girls fiance.
A fantastic premise for this horror, come historical melodrama. Which loosely uses real life events as the basis of this very dark and effective film. It also features the best performance that Vincent Price ever gave. This was reputedly because he and the director didn't get on and you can see it in the antagonistic performance.

what's good for the goose (1969)

aka Girl Trouble. What's Good for the Gander.
Norman Wisdom is a middle aged, stuck in a rut, banker who falls for Sally Geeson, a free spirited hippie chick, whilst in Southport. It's mostly played straight, but Norman can't help adding a few pratfalls along the way, and the Pretty Things even pop up to perform a couple of numbers.
A curio in so many ways, with some good points, but there's something disturbing about Norman sleeping with a girl who could be his daughter, whilst his wife and kids are oblivious at home.