murderer's row (1966)

"Nobody's perfect."
Matt (Dean Martin) fakes his death so he can undertake a top-secret mission; to find Dr. Solaris (Richard Eastham), inventor of a laser powerful enough to destroy a continent. As usual Matt hooks up with a female companion, in this instance its Suzie (Ann-Margaret).
Matt Helm returns in another meandering tale, where we watch him drink and interact with as many woman as possible. This one is enhanced by a soundtrack composed by Lalo Shiffrin.

the silencers (1966)

"I guess everybody loves a lover."
The evil Big O organization plans world domination by starting WWIII with an atomic bomb. Enter Matt Helm (Dean Martin) who is helped, or is it hindered by klutzy Gail (Stella Stevens) to take them on and save the world.
The first Matt Helm film, sees Martin play a spy with his tongue placed firmly in his cheek, ramping up the playboy aspect of the espionage game. With hindsight this series of films out does Austin Powers.

critters 4 (1992)

aka Critters 4: They're Invading Your Space.
"Look, I'm a bounty hunter, and I got job to do."
The critters awake on a space station in the near future, having been cryogenically frozen. Once awake their thoughts turn to breakfast. Fortunately for the crew Charlie McFadden (Don Keith Opper), the bounty hunter who stopped them last time, is also aboard.
The claustrophobic atmosphere of the space station serves to ramp up the tension and Brad Dourif and Angela Bassett give good accounts of themselves, but what you need it a film called Critters, are lots of critters, and guess what, somehow they forgot this!

graveyard disturbance (1986)

aka una notte al cimitero. A Night In The Cemetery.
"I say we get out of here like right now."
A priceless treasure is on offer for anyone who can spend the whole night in a catacomb. Five young crooks take up the offer, but meet an army of zombies and vampires in the endless tunnels.
A few atmospheric moments enliven this run of the mill made for TV horror.

apartment zero (1988)

"He could have killed him here, cut him into little pieces and took him to a hotel."
An anti-social owner of a Buenos Aires cinema, Adrian (Colin Firth), has to rent a room in his apartment due to lack of money, much to his mentally ill mother's concern. He eventually lets it to American Jack (Hart Bochner), and they immediately hit it off, but Adrian becomes concerned that Jack may not be what he seems, (and may even be a serial killer). A cat and mouse game ensues, as each tries to understand the other's motivations. Low key drama, that flounders in its middle, before pulling itself together for the finale.

the twins effect II (2004)

aka Blade Of Kings. Chin Kei Bin 2 - Fa Tou Tai Kam.
"I don't see any ghosts."
The mythical land of Huadu ruled over by the cruel empress (Ying Qu), who has usurped the throne and is executing the rightful dynasty. The last of this family is Charcoal Head (Jaycee Chan), but he knows nothing of his background, and is an itinerant actor, with his (Bo-lin Chen). When they are given what they think is a treasure map, they hook up with two female warriors (Gillian Chung & Charlene Choi).
This sequel ramps up the fantasy element whilst trying to keep up the comedy and action of the first film. It doesn't match the fun and frenzy of the original, but is still an entertaining adventure. Jackie Chan again pops up in (a this time) irrelevant cameo, overshadowing his son's debut performance.

killer crocodile (1989)

aka Coccodrillo Assassino.
"Someone is polluting these swamps amd it's our job to find out who it is."
With a load of toxic waste in the swamp, a crocodile mutates to a giant size and starts chomping on anyone who goes near, including some environmentalists. They are charting pollution levels in the swamp and encounter the Croc and local judge, when one of their team goes missing. He's less than helpful as he may be behind the radioactive dumping. Dumb thriller, where everyone tries every which way to fall into the water at some time! It ain't no Jaws, that's for sure.

hotel reserve (1944)

"You are charged with espionage."
Austrian medical student Peter Vadassy (James Mason) is accused of spying whilst on holiday in France prior to WWII. As usual, the accused takes it upon themselves to clear their name.
An occasionally humorous script enlivens this run of the mill Hitchcockesque thriller; good but lacks a certain spark.

the twins effect (2003)

aka Chin gei bin. Vampire Effect.
"I shall never fall in love with my partner again."
Reeve (Ekin Cheng) is a vampire hunter, who gets a new partner Gypsy (Gillian Chung). He's on the hunt for a European vampire (Mickey Hardt), who killed his last partner. Complicating things is Reeve's sister Helen (Charlene Choi), who has unwittingly fallen for vampire prince, Kazaf (Edison Chen).
Fun adventure/comedy, featuring some fantastic fight scenes and a wonderful cameo by jackie chan.

you'll die at midnight (1986)

aka Carol Will Die at Midnight. Midnight Killer. Morirai a mezzanotte.
"You will pay for this, you will die."
Nicola (Leonardo Treviglio) is the prime suspect for the murder of his wife, as he has recent fought with her following his discovery that she was having an affair. His friend and alibi Anna (Valeria D'Obici) thinks that the 'Midnight Ripper' may have committed the killing, the only problem being that the Ripper has been dead for a number of years.
Not a classic, but a decent entry into the Giallo genre.

hollywood hot tubs (1984)

"Just fix this thing fast."
Shawn Wright (Paul Gunning) goes to work for his uncle Al (Stafford Morgan) in his plumbing business. Alongside Shawn slick salesman Jeff (Michael Andrew) and Al's secretary Leslie (Donna McDaniel). Whilst Shawn learns the trade, and tries to date Leslie, Al and Jeff are trying to buy Hollywood Hot Tubs from ? (), with Jeff employing some underhand tricks to do so.
A lame, under scripted and acted attempt at a comedy.

23 paces to baker street (1956)

"Must be a great handicap, having to wear glasses."
Phillip Hannon (Van Johnson) is a blind playwright on a visit to London. During visit to the pub he overhears a plot to kidnap a child, which he reports to the police. unfortunately they dismiss him, so he does the only thing he can, he enlists the help of his sceptical butler Bob (Cecil Parker) and secretary Joan (Vera Miles) and starts to investigate the plot himself.
Hitchcockesque thriller, that moves along a a fine pace.

the black knight (1954)

"Please pardon this shameful exhibition."
Blacksmith John (Alan Ladd) loves Linet (Patricia Medina), though as lady, he has no chance to win her. He falls further when he confronts the Saracen Sir Palamides (Peter Cushing), having overheard him plotting to usurp King Arthur. Unable to prove his accusations, John swears to not hurt Palamides until the plot can be uncovered, but in doing so John is seen as a coward by Linet and most of the court. His only chance is to disguise himself as The Black Knight to defeat the Saracen and his Cornish druid conspirators.
Though well shot, bad casting lowers the tone, as both Ladd and Cushing are misplaced in their roles.

naked you die (1968)

aka The Young, The Evil, And The Savage. Nude... si muore. The School Girl Killer.
"The killer is screwing around, we have to catch him."
St Hilda's is an exclusive girls school on the Italian coast, that is also home to a serial killer. It's also home to Jill (Sally Smith), so when the killing starts, she brings her years of reading detective novels to bear, and starts snooping herself.
A routine murder mystery that gets extra marks for its stylish look, and breezy style.

the lickerish quartet (1970)

"Wouldn't it be fun to take her back with us...and show her the film?"
A wealthy couple (Frank Wolff & Erika Remberg) and their adult son (Paolo Turco) hook up with a wall of death motorcycle rider (Silvana Venturelli) at a carnival. Earlier in the evening the threesome had watched a porn movie, and the rider reminds them of one of the stars of the film. Intrigued they invite her to stay at their castle overnight, during which she proceeds to seduce all three in turn.
Stylised and stylish existentialist sexploitation where fantasy and reality blur.

cloudburst (1951)

"I'd hound them with as little pity as we hounded Zimmerman...my hatred would overwhelm me like a cloudburst."
When his pregnant wife (Elizabeth Sellars) is killed by a couple on the run for murder, Foreign office cypher expert, John Graham (Robert Preston), determines to find these killers, and devises a systematic plan of revenge when he does.
Reputedly the first film Hammer shot at Bray Studios, this is a fine understated thriller. The characters backgrounds in the resistance during the war are hinted at, fleshing out motivations and abilities.

amazons in the temple of gold (1986)

aka Les Amazones Du Temple D'or. Golden Temple Amazons. Temple of Amazon Women.
"I journey there for revenge."
Fifteen years after her mother and father were killed by the Amazonians, Liana (Analía Ivars) joins an expedition searching for the Golden temple, and to seek revenge on the tribe who protect it.
A truly incompetent mess, that has nudity as its only selling point.

flesh gordon meets the cosmic cheerleaders (1990)

aka Flesh Gordon 2.
"You thought you'd killed me Gordon, but my drive for lust and power is relentless!"
Flesh Gordon (Vince Murdocco) is kidnapped by some space cheerleaders hoping to use him to save their planet. Their world has been decimated by The Evil Presence (William Dennis Hunt), who has rendered the men impotent. Meanwhile Flesh's girlfriend Dale Ardor (Robyn Kelly), is herself kidnapped by The Evil Presence's henchman. Can Flesh help the cheerleaders and save Ardor?
Well made, though vulgar, and childish sex comedy, with no sex!

chained heat (1983)

"In here its not who you know, but how you know her."
Carol (Linda Blair), is sent down for 18 months following a car accident, and enters a world of lesbian rapists, drug pushers, and a sleazy, sadistic warden (John Vernon). Racial tension exacerbates things, as Erika (Sybil Danning) pushes drugs, with the help of her white's only gang. Meanwhile Duchess (Tamara Dobson) leads the black gang, who are violently against such things. But despite their differences the inmates finally realise they have to either band together or face further exploitation from the guards.
An entertaining mix of sexploitation and blaxploitation, with a great cast including Henry Silva and Stella Stevens, helping it match the heights of 70's exploitation cinema.

woman behind bars (1975)

aka Des diamants pour l'enfer.
"You see evil in everything."
A diamond thief is killed by his girlfriend Shirley (Lina Romay). She immediately confesses and is thrown in prison to face torture from the sadistic warden and his guards as they try and find out where her boyfriend hid the gems.
Sexploitation thriller, throwing in torture, nudity and lesbianism - just the every day life of a female prisoner. One of Franco's better WIP movies, but it's certainly not one of his best, lacking pace, cinematography or a coherent script.

species II (1998)

"I told him not to go!"
On a mission to Mars astronaut (Justin Lazard) is infected with alien DNA and on return runs amok. The only way to track him down is via the genetically engineered Sil (Natasha Henstridge), who seems to have a telepathic bond with the astronaut.
Just about anything is watchable if you are in the right frame of mind, this one needs a steady supply of beer, to mask any feelings that there may be plot holes, and bad acting ahead.

killer bees! (2002)

"There will be no more talk of killer bees."
A rural town is attacked by some unusually aggressive bees. Of course when the Sheriff (C. Thomas Howell) takes the advice of entomologist Riley Muir (Fiona Loewi), that these are Latin American killer bees, and tries to implement some safety precautions, his fears are dismissed, especially be the mayor...But what will happen when the local honey festival starts and the bees sniff it out.
Poor TV movie that throws in some weak emotional conflict, (where people never learn from their mistakes), alongside the cgi bees.

girl slaves of morgana le fay (1971)

aka Morgane et ses nymphes.
"Death is for the old and ugly."
Anna and Françoise (Michèle Perello & Mireille Saunin) are holidaying in rural France. Unfortunately for them, they stumble on a chateau run by Gurth (Alfred Baillou). Once there they have two choices, become immortal sex slaves for his mistress, the witch Morgana (Dominique Delpierre), or rot in the dungeon.
A surreal, dreamlike atmosphere pervaides this otherwise dull fantasy, which lacks much in the way of plot.