triangle of venus (1978)

AKA Die Insel der tausend Freuden.
"You have both behaved like hyena's."
Lady Henriette (Lili Muráti) is a wealthy matriarch keeping a close eye on the complicated love lives of her family members.
Lush tropical scenary and plenty of nudity in this otherwise incomprehesable drama.

long swift sword of siegfried (1971)

AKA Siegfried und das sagenhafte Liebesleben der Nibelungen. The Lustful Barbarian.
"War is for men, women are only for love."
Siegfried (Raimund Harmstorf) travels around the Rhineland with his 'long sword' and strikes a bargain to help king Gunther win the hand of Brunhild, and still has time to bed every woman who crosses his path though he eventually settles for Kriemhild (Sybil Danning).
If your idea of fun is watching badly filmed softcore to the soundtrack of Wagner, then you are in luck. The rest of us less so!

vampire ecstacy (1974)

AKA Der Fluch der schwarzen Schwestern. The Devil's Plaything.
"Perhaps we should leave this place."
Dr Julia Malenkow () and her brother are studying the local superstitions of the area when invited to stay at Varga castle and find it to be the centre the worship of Dania Varga (Nadia Henkowa), an ancient vampire.
Sophorific acting and film pacing do nothing to add to the field of entertainment in this film.

the secret of dorian gray (1970)

Dorian Gray.
"Lets always be honest with each other."
Dorian (Helmut berger), is a beautiful young man, living in swinging London, and having a great time. Especially when he meets and falls for Sybil (). But the his friend produces a portrait of Dorian, who makes a pact with the devil, exchanging his soul for youth. From this point, Dorian becomes more and amoral.
A contempory take on the Wilde tale.

sherlock holmes and the deadly necklace (1962)

aka Valley of Fear.
"Is he in constant fear for his life?"
Holmes (Christopher Lee) and Watson (Thorley Walters) pit their witts against their nemesis, Professor Moriarity (Hans Söhnker), who is plotting to steal an ancient necklace supposed to have belonged to Cleopatra.
It doesn't take much deduction to realise that this is one of the lesser Holmes movies.

the vampire happening (1971)

aka Gebissen wird nur nachts - das Happening der Vampire.
"It's nice to be back amongst the living."
American actress Betty Williams (Pia Degermark) inherits a Transylvanian castle. What she does not know is that her vampiric ancestor, is still plaguing neighbourhood.
A curiousity that is neither comedy, or horror, but is wonderfully kitsch.

iron wolf (2013)

"We all have a past."
A rock star decides to base his reformation rehearsals in an old Nazi labouratory, which unknown to him and his crew is still home to their last experiment, and they are soon being stalked by it...
Truely aweful Nazispoitation, with no redeeming features.

northmen: a viking saga (2014)

"Lets get off this coast."
Asbjorn (Tom Hopper) leads a band of Vikings who have become shipwrecked on the shores of Scotland. They stumble on a band of Scots taking Lady Inghean (Charlie Murphy) to her father, and once attacked take her hostage. Unfortunately the king doesn't fancy paying a ransom and decides to send a vicious band on mercenaries to kill her...
Whilst producing nothing remarkable, this is still a well made and entertaining action thriller.

christiane f (1981)

aka Christiane F. - Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo.
"Didn't it hurt?"
Christiane F. (Natja Brunckhorst), a bored and listless 14 year old meets Detlef (Thomas Haustein), and his drugged up friends, and slowly she is drawn into his scene centered on their heroin abuse.
A realistic look into the life of a teenage addict, based on a real case and sound tracked by David Bowie.

high test girls (1980)

aka Sechs Schwedinnen von der Tankstelle. Swedish Sex Service. Friendly Favors. Six Swedes at a Swedish Erotic Sexations. Swedish Gas Pump Girls.
"People are coming from all over to sample the service!"
Six Swedish women inherit a village petrol station, and set about giving the customers service above and beyond the usual!
Comic sexploitation, that delves into the surreal.

so darling, so deadly (1966)

aka Agent Joe Walker: Operation Far East. Kommissar X - In den Klauen des goldenen Drachen.
"he looks like a real ladykiller."
Two agents (Tony Kendall & Brad Harris) are hired to protect a scientist who has created a death ray from an evil gang who obviously would like it for themselves.
Like Bond on viagra; Absurd adventure, where the two spies lurch from one fight to the next as they follow their loins around the Far East.

virgin report (1972)

aka Jungfrauen Report
"Desire was the devil's work."
Pseudo documentary about various sexual rites of passage in cultures around the world.
The film mixes genres, from documentary, mondo and drama, giving us a tongue in cheek look at virginity through the ages.

love letters of a portuguese nun (1977)

aka Die Liebesbriefe einer portugiesischen Nonne.
"...after all sinning is not that bad."
A young girl, Maria (Susan Hemingway), is sent to a convent, secretly run by Satanists, on the orders of Father Vicente (William Berger), who uses her as a plaything.
Beautifully shot film that delves into the corruption of a young girl, through the hypocrisy of religion, and those using it to their own ends.

succubus (1968)

aka Necronomicon - Geträumte Sünden.
"I have done well, she is perfect...the essence of evil."
Lorna (Janine Reynaud) is a nightclub stripper who is groomed by William (Jack Taylor) to become a part of his bizarre fantasies.
Surreal dream, that you enjoy for the striking imagery, or go nuts and turn it off due to the inconsistencies and constant soft focus!

the girl from rio (1969)

aka Rio 70. Die sieben Männer der Sumuru. Future Woman. The Seven Secrets of Sumuru.
"The safest thing to steal is stolen money."
A tribe of Amazonian women from Femina, led by their queen Sumuru (Shirley Eaton), attack wealthy men, as part of a long-term plan to take over the world.
A low budget In Like Flint, looks good, but lacks cohesion.

lollipop monster (2011)

"Come on, after all, life has to go on."
Ari and Oona (Jella Haase & Sarah Horvath) are two 15 year old girls, who bond over their dysfunctional families, and dysfunctional behaviour, after Oona's father commits suicide.
Stylised, but not to the detriment of the story, this is teen angst write large.

kill cruise (1990)

aka Der Skipper. Adrift: Murder at Sea. The Storm.
"What's the point of sticking around here?"
Two women (Elizabeth Hurley & Patsy Kensit) persuade a washed-up drunkard of a sailor (Jürgen Prochnow), to take them to the West Indies on his yacht. But soon the idyllic voyage is interrupted by bickering and jealousy between the girls.
Lacks clear motivations for the events, which drags this thriller down.

bloody friday (1972)

aka Blutiger Freitag. Violent Offender.
"We are all going to make a lot of money."
Violent bank robber Heinz Klett (Raimund Harmstorf) escapes from police custody, and immediately starts planning his next bank robbery. But despite his planning the robbery turns into a siege with hostages. Outside, the police attempt to put together the ransom, whilst trying to deal with the media circus. Inside, the tension mounts and squabbles break out...
Violent exploitation fare, that works well with what it has.

liane, jungle goddess (1956)

aka Liane, das Mädchen aus dem Urwald.
"We just can't leave her here."
Toren (Hardy Krüger) is busy exploring and killing things in the African jungle, when he is captured by a tribe. They are about to kill him, when he's saved by a young white woman (Marion Michael), who seems to be living with the tribe. Intreged Toren sets out to find her again and bring her back to civilisation. It turns out she may be Liane, the long lost relative of a wealthy industrialist, and expedition leader, Toren (Hardy Krüger), tries to work on her manners. But can she survive in the urban jungle?
A weak ripoff of Tarzan, and the fish out of water theme, with the usual stock footage to pad out and add to the 'exotic' feel of the flick.

lady dracula (1978)

aka
"Taxi! Taxi!"
Dracula nibbles on a young woman (Evelyne Kraft) before being hunted down and killed. Forward 100 years and her coffin is unearthed in modern day Germany, and she's hungry.
You want a comedy, that also mixes in vampiric horror? Well you've come to the wrong place here, as all attempts at producing laughs or scares are let down by a lame script, acting and direction.