the cat and the canary (1929)

"I'm scared to death, let me stay here."
Twenty years after the death of millionaire Cyrus West, his relatives gather for the reading of his will. The will reveals that Annabelle West (Laura La Plante), is to inherit all, if she is deemed sane. If not the money, and diamonds go to someone named is in a sealed envelope. But before the identity within the envelope is revealed, the lawyer disappears. Followed by a series of mysterious events. Could it be that Annabelle is unstable.
The first of many versions of this classic play. This version provides an atmospheric and highly influential telling of the tale.

your vice is a locked room and only i have the key (1972)

aka Il tuo vizio è una stanza chiusa e solo io ne ho la chiave. Gently Before She Dies. Excite Me. Eye of the Black Cat.
"We rather doubt she died of a broken heart."
Oliviero (Luigi Pistilli) is a writer, obsessed by thoughts of his dead mother, living a dissolute lifestyle whilst tormenting his wife (Anita Strindberg). Then the police come knocking When one of Olivero's women is murdered; the police suspecting Oliviero. Further complications come when Oliviero's attractive niece Floriana (Edwige Fenech) arrives, and starts playing the feuding couple off against each other.
An intelligent and captivating melding of a giallo crime drama with Poe's Black Cat tale.

ravenous (1999)

"I said no food. I didn't say there was nothing to eat."
It's 1848 and Captain John Boyd (Guy Pearce) arrives in the depths of winter to snowbound Fort Spencer. Then a stranger named Colquhoun (Robert Carlyle) appears with tales of his group succombing to cannibalism to survive. Once recovered Colquhoun leads a party to find survivors, but can an admitted cannibal be trusted?
Enjoyable and well nuanced period piece, shot through with a strain of dark humour, to mix in with the gore.

war of the worlds (2005)

"We're under attack!"
Everyday working joe, Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) struggles to keep his family together, especially when earth gets invaded by aliens!
Despite all the CGI and modern day tweeks to the story, (like the addition of a disfunctional family with annoying kids), this is still no match for the 50's original.

vampire's kiss (1988)

"This guy is very weird I'm telling you."
A publishing executive Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage) encounters a vampire, who continually returns for top up's, his behaviour becoming more and more erratic. But could it be that it is all in his mind?
Cage's batshit crazy acting style, along with the film's ambiguous tone, doesn't endear me to this. It's the least funny comedy I've ever seen. Not aided by the fact that Cage is deeply unlikable from the start; all I wanted to do was slap the crap out of him!

zombie women of satan (2009)

"You're not coming in until you stop being a zombie."
Johnny Dee Hellfire (Seymour Mace) is the ringmaster of a circus freakshow, who leads them inadvertantly into the clutches of the deeply sick Zander family, who torture and maim all they can get their hands on, especially women, turning them into zombies.
Lame, lacking is scares and frankly unfunny horror. A lazy attempt at gross out horror/comedy thats so bad its not even funny!

goodbye gemini (1970)

"Your friends are sweet Clive, you'd never think they are brother and sister."
Twins Jackie and Julian (Martin Potter & Judy Geeson) move to London and strike up a friendship with a smalltime gambler Clive (Alex Kanner) and his girlfriend as they explore swinging London. But then Clive involves them in a scheme to solve all his debt problems and things take a turn for the worst.
Interesting and entertaining drama, that twists alarmingly two-thirds of the way through.

shaolin vs evil dead 2: ultimate power (2006)

In this sort of prequel, we follow Dragon (Fan Siu-Wong), a Taoist monk who whilst protecting a village, is infected with a deadly poison. Also infected is his pregnant wife Phoenix (Marsha Yuen). Phoenix subsequently dies giving birth to what turns out to be an evil son, due to the poison in her system.
As the previous installment this turns out to be a routine actioner, that passes the time, but nothing more.

bloodbath at the house of death (1984)

"Somebody is trying to scare us."
A number of scientists and paranormal investigators including Dr Mandeville (Kenny Everett) and Dr Coyle (Pamela Stephenson) arrive at Headstone Manor, on the anniversary of a mass murder there. They have been brought together to investigate some unexplained radioactivity in the area, and soon get caught up with a satanic cult lead by the Sinister Man (Vincent Price).
A spoof that takes in aliens, satanic practices and ghosts along its muddy and unfunny path, unless you favour infrequent, over the top and rather obvious jokes that is.

shaolin vs evil dead (2004)

"Don't call me mom."
A shaolin monk (Gordon Liu) battles some Chinese Vampires, alongside a half-wit and a kid.
A Saturday matinee melding of the Evil dead with Chinese folk law, as only the Hong Kong film industry can. Mildly comic, and be aware that this ends abruptly forcing you to watch Shaolin vs Evil Dead 2 to resolve the story. But then you watch SVED2 and find its actually a prequel!

burke and hare (2010)

"I did it for love."
A film based loosely on the true story of Burke and Hare (Simon Pegg & Andy Serkis), who found a lucrative business supplying bodies to Dr Knox (Tom Wilkinson) for his disection classes in 19th Century Edinburgh. Unfortunately they soon find their supplies running low, and have to rectify the situation as best they can.
A gem of an idea, that unfortunately is only partially successful in its attempt to find comedy in the horror of body snatching and murder. Packed full of British comedy talent and featuring cameo's from the likes of Christopher Lee.