the lady vanishes (1938)

"I never think you should judge any country by its politics. After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?"
A rich young playgirl (Margaret Lockwood), is flitting around Europe, with not a care in the world. Then whilst on a train, she meets an elderly lady (Dame May Whitty), who then disappears. The only person who believes her is musicologist Gilbert (Michael Redgrave). Together can they discover where the lady has gone, and why everyone maintains that she was never on the train?
Hitchcock mixes light-hearted banter, with real mystery and danger. Add to the mix the classic duo of Charters and Caldicott, the very model of English gentlemen, right down to their reluctance to get involved in anything but the cricket scores. Watch out for the anti-pascifist message - remember this was immediately prior to the start of WWII, and Hitchcock had a point to make.

terror at the opera (1987)

aka Opera.
"You must make the most of this opportunity."
An understudy at the opera (Cristina Marsillach) is given the role of Lady Macbeth, when the star has an accident. It's her big break, but more accidents happen. Is she being stalked by a deranged fan?
Argento brings us a horror in all his flamboyant style, his camera sweeping majestically through the elaborately staged murders, making this a fun watch, but not a patch on his best.

teeth (2007)

"I think she bit me!"
Horny teen gets quite a surprise when he coerses an absinence advocate, Dawn (Jess Weixler), into having sex. For little does he know that she has a surprise in store for him, she has teeth where you shouldn't have teeth! Dawson's Creek teen angst flips into horror at this point. Is she possessed of the mythical Vagina Dentata and if she is what's she to do about it?
Finely played horror made by the son of Roy Lichtenstein, famous for his pop art. So it seems entirely in sympathy that his son is making populist films.

the monster club (1980)

"If I may suggest, tomato juice will be less conspicuous."
R.Chetwynd-Hayes (John Carradine), a horror writer bumps into Erasmus (Vincent Price), a very hungry vampire. In return for some blood, Erasmus promises to show ? his club, the 'monster club'. There, inbetween bands, including the Pretty Things, he's told three gruesome stories.
A who's who of horror actors pack out the club and the stories told, in this campy horror anthology.

beyond the rave (2008)

"I smell death on you soldier."
Originally presented as five minute episodes online, this is now available as a whole its its feature length. It presents the story of Ed (Jamie Dornan) a soldier about to go to the Iraqi warzone. But first he has to find his girlfriend Jen (Nora-Jane Noone) who has fallen in with a bad crowd.
Hammer introduces us to Essex muppets versus the Vampires! It has its moments but some variable acting is not helped by the episodic breakdown. And why can't you hear the rave outside of the main room? It must have the worst sound system in the world!

doc savage: the man of bronze (1975)

"Have no fear! Doc Savage is here!
It's the 1930's, and Doc (Ron Ely) and his five pals, try to find Doc's father who has disappeared whilst in the wilds of South America. Someone doesn't obviously doesn't want them there, as they are attacked by 'the green death'.
A campy and comic version of the pulp novel hero. This looks and feels like a spoof of a 30's Saturday matinee serial, but unfortunately doesn't quite pull it off. Five years later Spielburg covered similar ground with Indiana Jones and we all know how successful that was.

underworld (2003)

"...you're in the middle of a war that has been raging for the better part of a thousand years. A blood feud between vampires and lycans. Werewolves."
Foxy vampire Selene (Kate Beckinsale) stalks the night fighting werewolves lead by Michael Sheen. Then she meets Michael (Scott Speedman), a human who holds a secret that might just allow him to end the eternal struggle between the two groups of night stalkers.
Full on actioner, with with bullets instead of steaks, and a heroine in tight wet look pvc. True it's a convoluted plot, but it doesn't let up enough to allow you to reflect on this.

orgy of the dead (1965)

"A pussycat is born to be whipped."
John and his girlfriend Shirley search for a cemetary to inspire his next horror story. Along the way they are involved in a car crash, and find themselves in a graveyard. A graveyard full of burlesque dancers!
Ed Wood, (who only contributed a well used script), and his motley crew, including Criswell, pad out a selection of vaguely horror related strip show acts. Along the way the wolfman and the mummy turn up in what is really just a poor excuse to show some topless women.

hatchet for the honeymoon (1970)

aka Blood Brides. Il rosso segno della follia. An Axe for the Honeymoon.
"...I must go on wielding the cleaver...'
A man's childhood trauma causes him to end any thoughts of wedding bells for a number of brides to be, as he murders a number of buyers of his bridal gowns.
A twist on the usual giallo formula, as we start off knowing who the killer is as he tells us. Stephen Forsyth plays the murder, who in voice over narrates his torment and need to kill. So the final reveal is not the point here, but the journey, and what a stylish and entertaining journey it is.

kerim, son of the sheik (1962)

aka Il figlio dello sceicco. Son of the Sheik.
"Whip harder!"
Omar (Alberto Farnese) is an evil and brutal leader, who maintains control by force. He seeks to legitimise his leadership by marrying the reluctant Fawzia (Cristina Gaioni), favorite niece of the current Khaleef. But then his brutal tactics result in the death of a young woman whose brother, Kerim (Gordon Scott), vows revenge. To do so Kerim starts a revolt, becoming a Robin Hood of the desert, rallying many to his cause, but can he overthrow the evil Omar?
Of course he can, this is a peplum after all, and as any peplum, expect muscled up men, beautiful and deadly women and lots of adventure. Light-weight but entertaining.

the moonraker (1958)

"I hate these long drawn out affairs."
The English Civil War is over, and Cromwell's roundheads are trying to hunt down and capture Charles Stuart. Stuart's future depends on the dashing Earl of Dawlish (George Baker). For the Earl is in fact the secretive Moonraker, a man dedicated to spiriting Royalists across the channel to France. He travels to the Windwhistle Inn to prepare the escape. There he meets Anne Wyndham (Sylvia Syms), the fiancée of local Roundhead colonel.
A swashbuckling adventure, which does more limping than dashing, as I just don't believe Baker in the part, or his ability to sweep an avowed puritan off her feet with a few words about how nice his entitled lands are!

bad boy bubby (1993)

"Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!
Bubby (Nicholas Hope) is a sort of retarded shut in, due to his mother locking him in the house for thirty years. But when his father returns Bubby kills them both and is released upon and trying to make sense of the world. He finds a home of sorts with a rock band, and finds fame and attention as their 'singer' as he mimics everything that others say or do.
A strange one this, reflecting on society through the eyes and ears of an outsider, which is at times disturbing and unsettling, and blackly comic.

terror in the crypt (1964)

aka La cripta e l'incubo. Crypt Of The Vampire.
"I like these ancient castles they have such an air of mystery."
Count Karnstein (Christopher Lee) has a sick daughter Laura (Adriana Ambesi). The housekeeper believes Laura is possessed by the spirit of her ancestor, the witch Scirra. Then a young woman Lyuba (Ursula Davis), injured in an accident comes to stay, and intrigued by Laura starts to get close to her.
An atmospheric horror, that unfurls its story slowly and inexerably before the shocking conclusion.

carry on cruising (1962)

"Anchors away."
Captain Crowther (Sid James) starts his latest cruise with five new recruits to his crew. Five of the most incompetant crew that he is ever likely to meet. To make up for their failings the new crew try to put on a birthday party for the captain that he'll never forget!
The sixth carry on and by this time the series had hit its stride, with an ensemble cast and script formula that was box office gold. But the fact that this was the first of the series to be shot in colour cannot make up for what is essentially one of the weaker offerings.

moon zero two (1969)

"My God, it's so bleak!"
A salvage expert, William H. Kemp (James Olson), is hired by Clementine (Catherine Schell), who is worried about her missing brother, a miner on the far side of the moon. Unknown to the duo is that a gang have bumped him off, as they plan to hijack an asteroid made of sapphire and bring it down on the unfortunate miners land.
A western set in space, with saloon scenes, bar room brawls and mining claims etc. Unfortunately it lacks the wit or flair to pull it off. Added to which the film doesn't know what it wants to be, a drama or a Saturday matinee serial. On the up side its visually stunning - a kitsch feast of bright colours and futuristic fashions.

the case of charles peace (1949)

"I fear no one, not God nor the Devil."
A dramatisation about a true crime story, the one man crime wave that was Charles Peace (Michael Martin Harvey) from 1850-1877, when he was convicted of murder.
A mundaine run through the life of a rogue, who no doubt could charm people, but was also quick to anger and killed a number before being caught.